Dirty Talk
by pennysayseffyou
Summary: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Based on a true story.
1. The Beginning

This story isn't a story. This is real life. This is my personal, ongoing experience that I am sharing with you. I've posted it under Twilight so you can think of the characters as Edward and Bella, but really, this can be whoever you want it to be. Drabble chapters, hoping for one update a day if you guys like it! Because not even I know how this is going to end…

**July 2011**

She was horny.

And lonely.

She worked too much and didn't really have a social life. Never been kissed, never had a boyfriend.

She wrote controversial, erotic fiction as an escape, an outlet to express what she could not in 'real life'. She felt that she was a very sexual being, but her only release for pent up sexual frustration was herself.

She had created a Tumblr full of pornographic reblogs that served as a safer vessel in opposition to sketchy pornography sites. She looked and fingered and orgasmed, and for a while, it was enough.

She wasn't sure what to think of the girls who posted their naked bodies on the site, for the pleasure of others. Some were too young, and some were… well, not her type.

She knew she was straight. But looking at images of men jerking just didn't do it for her. To see a flushing female writhing on rumpled sheets, a hand on a breast and the other between plump thighs… that was what she craved.

One day, though, looking wasn't enough.

She solicited words, or "Dirty talk chats".

The purpose was to talk dirty to an acquiescing stranger, like a mutual online masturbation session.

Didn't matter if the person was male or female.

There was a messenger account with her fake name, and there were several promiscuous offers. To shoot down perverts, she lied and said that she didn't have a webcam.

Only the words would get them off.

She didn't expect the flood that came. About a dozen or so males accepted her offer.

The first few times were awkward. She was selfish and picky, but it was her game, her rules.

There were a couple pictures exchanged between her and the best chatters, but that killed the mood, and she ended up blocking overzealous gentlemen right and left. She was so insecure about her own body, and frankly, penises were ugly.

She let it continue for about a month before thinking that it was a bad idea. She was ready to get rid of the whole thing, kind of embarrassed at being this internet whore who solicited sexual words.

Until one day, when _he_ sent her a message that wasn't like the others.


	2. This Girl

**August 2011**

Let us be clear.

This girl is not a bombshell.

This girl is five foot six and fluctuates between a size fourteen and a size twelve. This girl has mud brown eyes and even muddier colored hair. This girl loves to wear sweatpants and UGG boots, and her hair is always falling out of a ponytail. Her friends (and her mother) tell her she's pretty and so _stylish_ but she doesn't really believe them.

She appreciates the DD breasts and slim waist God has given her, but she can't help imagining what it would be like if she was, say, a size two. Like she used to be. She's twenty years old now; she thought things would be different by now. She wonders:

_What's _wrong _with me?_

She wants a _guy_ to tell her she's beautiful. She's convinced that's how she'll know. That's when she'll know she is beautiful. So far, no man has. Not even her father. Her grandfather doesn't count because he's supposed to say those things…

She stares at her reflection for several minutes in the mirror each day. She's not sure she likes what she sees. She's so pale- almost a vampire like shade of skin. She doesn't go outside much. But she almost likes it that way. At least it's natural. She shakes her head at that Snooki character… orange is just not an attractive shade on anyone.

If asked, she would say that her best feature is her eyes. Yes, they're just dull brown, but they're framed by gorgeous, long lashes that she is quite proud of. Lingering in Sephora during her high school years has taught her a few tricks regarding eye makeup. The number one question she is asked by total complete strangers is: "Are your eyelashes real?" It makes her uncomfortable, knowing that a stranger has spent several minutes gazing upon her countenance, but she chooses to be flattered and tells the inquiring body that she uses mascara they probably would not be able to afford.

But that's as girlie as this girl gets. The world moves fast and hard, and it will leave her behind if she doesn't focus on the important things. This girl goes to the local community college, and works a retail job. This girl is your typical over worked and underpaid student. This girl daydreams every chance she can get.

This girl is bitter.

This girl is trapped in Florida- hot, sweaty, sticky Florida. She didn't even want to move here in the first place. She longs for the cool wind of the west coast where she used to live- the rain, the coffee shops, even the hipsters. She'd be nice to the hipsters if she was given the chance to go back.

She purposely hasn't put down roots here. She always said she'd never get mixed up with a Florida boy, but she's really close to breaking that rule. She's lonely and prickly and yet strongly sexual.

She desperately wishes for change, for someone, something new, a different experience.

She feels like she pours her heart out in erotic prose, and then gets almost nothing in return. It was a thrill to dirty talk with these strange guys, but now she's just bored. She understands that some men aren't as eloquent as others, but really, they can do better.

She's still a virgin, for god's sake, and she can describe the _act_ better than they can.

She wants to get off by using someone else, not by being used.

This is what typically happens:

_August 20__th__, 2011 11:37pm_

She's been talking to a new guy. He seems like your typical all American dude. He sent her a picture of his… friend down south… and she sent him a picture of her tits. It seemed fair. She was not impressed by what she saw, but if she's learned anything, it's not to judge a book by its cover, so she gives him a chance. They set a chat date for 10pm ("no I don't have a webcam"- lie), and for an hour and a half, it's been like pulling teeth to get this boy to say something that even remotely lights her sexual fire.

**marie91:**

I lick a trail down your defined chest, feeling our hot skin press against each other. Your cock twitches next to my thigh, searing heat and heavy desire. I feel your fingers tangle in my hair as you pull me down for a kiss. I curl my fingers into your side as I lower myself to you… my soaked pussy teasingly brushes against the head of your cock and you groan into my mouth with want.

**itsmikenewtman:**

MMMMM god girl that's so fucking hot i love ur titties I'm gonna cummmmmmmm

She sits back in her computer chair, defeated. Another one bites the dust.

**Did anyone watch Rob on Jimmy Kimmel/ Jimmy Fallon? He's so adorkable! **

**So what do you guys think so far? This story is a slow burn, we're going to meet the mister soon, and then things will heat up… I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

**Remember, pennypattz on twitter**


	3. Heavy Heart

It is with a somewhat sad heart I must say that as of Wednesday, the mister and I are no longer continuing our relationship. We live almost 1,000 miles apart and he has found a lovely lady in his hometown that he has decided to date. We ended it amicably- no bad blood or hard feelings, although I am disappointed and a little heart sore. I am crying a bit as I write this.

However, I am glad that it happened. I am so much more confident because of him, and definitely a stronger person. It was nice to know that an attractive man out there thought I was beautiful. This man saved me from myself. I have struggled with being a size 14 ever since starting high school, and I have battled bouts of depression on and off due to my physical looks and other factors. He made me realize that I am a desirable person, and worthy of a good man's attention. While I do not suggest anyone enter into a relationship like mine, it was an experience I would not trade for anything. I learned so much about myself.

With that being said, would you readers still like to read this story, even though you know the ending is not a happily ever after?

Please leave your yes or no in a review below. Thank you for your support in this difficult time.

Penny


End file.
